Hybrid Parenting

Hello Friends and Family,

I spent two days last week in Chicago on a work trip. I attended a conference about non-profit governance. I was invited to represent my alma mater, Mars Hill University, in my role as a member of the board of trustees and as an added bonus a couple of my prospective clients were attending the conference as well.

There was quite a lot of chatter at the conference about hybrid board meetings. These are meetings were some of the board members attend in person while others attend via video conference.

Almost unanimously we agreed that this type of arrangement was not conducive to productive meetings for various reasons.

It should not surprise you to learn that I don’t think hybrid-parenting is ideal for me either. Please note that I said “FOR ME”.

I travel for work. Most weeks at least 2 nights are spent away from home. My first week back from paternity leave I was in Nashville and last week I was in Chicago.

I like to travel, meet new people, see new places, and find new gems in old places. Courtney has always been supportive of my career and whatever demands that career entailed.

I spent over 75 nights in a hotel last year just for work. That isn’t a huge number compared to earlier in my career where I was spending 180-190 nights each year in a hotel, but it is still 20% of the year.

Courtney and I certainly missed each other, but we weren’t missing much “life” when I was gone. It was easy to keep up with a text or call and truly not much changed.

Additionally, the burden of me being away on a trip was, in many cases, not a burden at all. Courtney has her own life and interests separate from mine and spent many of those nights watching her favorite shows, hanging out with friends, or catching up on the phone with other friends and family.

It is hard to leave now. Hard because I miss being with my family, but more so because my absence is much more burdensome.

Courtney has to do all of the feeding, all of the cleaning, all of the laundry, all of the cooking, all of the dog related tasks, and all of the holding/shushing.

When I FaceTimed with Courtney, Mills, and Willow, last week something felt off in my soul. Parenting, at least the version of parenting that I want to practice, can’t be done in a hybrid format.

I can rationalize that my work is important to our family. The income that I earn helps to pay for our clothing, food, and shelter.

What I can’t ignore is the visceral feeling I got when I was seeing my son on video instead of helping Courtney hold him.

I had a great work trip last week. Met some incredible people and deepened some existing relationships. To top it off, I had a wonderful dinner on Thursday night with riveting conversation.

On Friday night, I got home around 8pm from the airport and inhaled a bowl of cereal so I could do the 8:30pm feeding with a screaming Mills.

No offense to President Floyd, but I much preferred my Friday night.

There isn’t a nice neat bow for this post. I’m back to work this morning working on the itinerary for my next trip. Maybe this gets easier, but I hope not.

I’m just not cut out to be a hybrid-parent.

Until our next adventure,

Austin, Courtney, Mills, and Willow